The creative connections you build in life often start off as relationships that just come together without much thought. How they got to be part of your life is one thread of the story. Who continues to be in your life is a choice, a very important choice that impacts how you express yourself and inner gifts with ease.
It’s not always easy to phase out certain people when you are attached to the role they play in your life story, especially as you grow and expand your creative expression. And while letting people go isn’t fun and can be painful, it’s natural if you no longer have a matching vibration. You just have to be willing to let yourself, and them, move on.
I think choosing creative connections that really support the authentic parts of you is a bit more challenging to manage, especially as you change and evolve over time. Building up this skill has been part of my personal evolvement, and I’ve learned some pretty insightful lessons in the process.
The Optimist-Colored Glasses and the Truth
I’m a naturally optimistic person. For those who know me personally, that’s how I show up in the world. I’ve had people think it’s an act and not authentic. They also try to match that same vibe, even though I’ve never asked them to. This has led to imbalanced relationships where people like to be around me, but feel frustrated by me at the same time. It’s a very interesting dynamic that leads to them bailing or just connecting with me when they want to feel good.
As you can imagine, this has led to me feeling confused and hurt when things suddenly change with the relationship energy.
More importantly, this recurring dynamic has shown me a very important pattern of MY behavior – sometimes I choose not-so-supportive creative partners because I like to help others. I naturally want to be supportive, but that does not necessarily mean that because I want and like to help, that the relationship will involve an even exchange of collaborative creative energy. My optimist-colored “glasses” are tuned to see the best in others, and my desire to offer support can drown out the most important question I need to ask myself first…
What kind of creative connection feels good and right for me, too?
Are people acting this way consciously and on purpose? Most often, they don’t even realize it’s happening. They just know they feel good at one point and when I decide to start pulling back on support, the change in the creative exchange makes them feel uncomfortable and not so in synch with me.
The good news is, during the last few years that I’ve been aware of this dynamic, I’ve started making big strides in shifting it. I’m drawing better boundaries, being more selective with my time and energy and getting more comfortable with saying “no” to energy exchanges, not just opportunities, without feeling guilty.
Through my inner shifting process, I’ve realized there are key things I need in relationships to build more evenly-supportive creative connections.
Here are some things I’ve discovered help me get clear about whether or not a person has a good matching vibration:
- Do they always talk about themselves?
- Are there shared interests we actively talk about or participate in together?
- Are they working on fun, creative things of their own that they are passionate about and want to share with me?
- Are they always looking for advice or wanting to pick my brain?
- Is there a sense of competition and lack of openness in conversations?
- Do they tend to shift the conversation away from me to focus on themselves?
- Do they have a clear understanding and desire to know me and about my passion for my life’s work?
- Do they freely offer support when I need it?
- Are they a good listener?
- Do we have fun when we are together and can we make each other laugh?
and about that “need” word…
People think the word “need” in relationship can be a bit strong. No one likes to come across as needy or bossy. I view the word need in terms of relationships as a gentle way for me to check-in with what I really want to cultivate and share with someone else so that each of us can grow as a person and a creative.
Seeing the Full Picture Instead of a Half Truth
As part of my journey, I’ve learned to create a picture that includes me, too, instead of simply serving others without being very clear on the type of energy exchange that fills my heart as well. It’s been an interesting discovery process, one that took me a bit longer to learn and work through than I would have liked, but you see the truth when the time is right and your eyes are open to it.
The important part is that I see the pattern I got stuck in, and now have a way to build more mutually supportive creative connections that feel good. Does it mean that a person has to meet ALL the criteria all the time in order to be in my life? Of course not! But it does give me a starting point to make clearer choices. Are you in the process of culling out-of-sync creative connections or attempting to find new, more supportive ones? What have you done to find relationships that are heart-filling and fun?