It’s common knowledge that allowing space and time around difficult situations, people or important life decisions is a simple way to provide new perspective. Lettin’ it ride takes the pressure off, releases the emotion from a situation and gives it a breath of fresh air, allowing new insights time to take root. That’s what being a mature adult is all about, knowing when to say when — so to speak.
But when does letting the path to something emerge on it’s own turn into old fashioned avoidance? There is a distinct difference between doing NOTHING and letting things flow naturally. And yes, I’m perfectly aware that sounds confusing.
So….let’s kick that around a bit.
When you are clear within, you know your boundaries, likes and dislikes and what makes you happy (yes, a life long exploration and your answers will constantly change). You can easily distinguish the right amount of time you may need to relax into something; letting it mature organically. You’re also fully aware if all the necessary information required to make an informed decision may not be available yet, and something in your gut tells you to sit on it a while until things smooth out on their own. Most importantly, you are actively taking time alone to explore possibilities and new truths within, without putting pressure or guilt on yourself or blaming others.
In the opposite corner of the ring is our old friend fear, pouring on guilt, anxiety and feelings of frustration as you do anything and everything to avoid thinking about a person or situation. Immediate reactions are often to hide, disassociate and avoid altogether, doing anything else — usually escapist activities such as drinking, drugs, caffeine, sex, video games, excessive working out or (insert your dalliance here). Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily; everyone needs some sort of release in order work through frustration, but if that soon turns into the only thing you are doing, than you are wearing your avoidance sombrero and slurping down the tequila worm on the regular.
And of course, let’s not leave out obsessive thinking or worry, because those can make us FEEL like we are actually doing something, but in reality, it’s a way to keep us confused and in a cycle of avoidance. It’s one of the easiest patterns to slip into and holds us hostage in multiple ways, not to mention the stress it puts on the mind and body.
So what’s the best way to sift through the mind muck and get down to business?
Take out time for “personal processing” — allowing yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up. Anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, longing (insert endless emotional choices) come in waves, and they want to be acknowledged. If you don’t create space or private time to let them go, they manifest into major confusion and over time, stress, illness and disease. All avoidance does is make the things you don’t want to see more intense and scary to deal with in the long run.
The truth is, the only path to real change is straight into the chaos. And the more open and honest you can be with yourself in the moment, the more you realize that you are not run by emotions or the things the wish you avoid, if you let them have a way to move on.
Getting to the heart of balance is most tricky when you can’t see outside your own mind and try to avoid getting into the muck. The most important thing to understand is that balance is a moment by moment experience — and you will find a way to make it part of your every day life if you allow, release and grow to a new level of patience and understanding of yourself.
Photo by CJ Isherwood