In my last blog post, I talked about how important it is to listen to your body, and the necessity of being aware of the insight it’s providing you minute by minute about countless things. For example, that afternoon headache could be from staring at the computer or the fact you need glasses, or your body could also be letting you know there may be some things you’re unwilling to see.
That’s what happened to me. And I wasn’t listening to my body’s infinite wisdom.
The Back Drop
I had started my writing business and had been struggling financially. I was working a few other jobs at the same time to keep me afloat, including being a pet sitter and working about 15 hours a week with a local company as a writer. Despite my best efforts, I felt like the need for money was winning above everything else.
Then, an opportunity came up through a friend for an interview as a remote technical writer with a blue chip company. At first the deal was part time, so I could still work with my current clients, grow my business and experiment with my creative ideas. After the initial interview, the offer turned into a full time opportunity AND I had to make up my mind within 48 hours. A mere 48 hours to completely change my life, basically abandon the growth of my business and totally switch gears. I was torn.
I asked everyone I knew for insight, but didn’t really listen to what my body was saying to me. I discounted it all together, as I knew this decision was a big one, and passed it off as nerves. In the end I did say yes, and I kid you not, I felt my soul leave my body when I did. It’s as if my body was saying — Look! There is still time to change your mind! But as “good girls” do, I stuck with my decision for safety and security reasons, and the fell victim to the shame associated with going back on my word.
The longer I continued fooling myself that financial security was enough, soon I had multiple health problems. My body started having a holy fit of fits, as I kept pushing through emotions, pain and ignoring the messages I was getting all day long.
At first it was just fatigue, then it was losing weight. Soon it was high blood pressure, and then I was on medication — just like old people. I forced my body to chug along, doing something that felt terrible without really seeing the truth behind my body’s messages. I felt ill most of the time for countless reasons, and doctors and alternative healers had no idea how to help.
I was just so cut off from relating my health issues to my emotions, I didn’t know until it was very painful and obvious that something was really, really out of sync. It took almost two years to figure out what was really going on after I left behind that writing gig for good. And yes, I started over from scratch. Yes, income was scarce at times, and yes, I was super stressed. But the stress relief I felt knowing I was finally free from doing something that turned my soul inside out was so much better. The writing job that was supposed to keep me safe and offer prestige and recognition just ended up making me ill, BECAUSE I did it for the wrong reasons. Fear.
The Next Few Years
The challenges that lay ahead in those first few years after I left were something I could contend with because I new in my heart I had made the right choice for my soul. Even though I was scared, I knew once I had time to get my mind and body more aligned and in sync, I would be making choices that resonated and made things simpler as I regrew my business.
Now, I’m not saying to eliminate the use of logic or reason in your decision making process. What I’m saying is use the instrument most readily at your disposal, your body. Get it tuned up, healthy and clear so are ARE able to tell what you’re really wanting in your soul, not a false idea of what you think that should be doing based on a collection of fears, societal pressures and family programming. Believe me, your body will let you know.
In many ways I thought my body had failed me. Now I know its just providing information and it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to listen.
Photo by bedeutet_jemanden