Photo by Melody Campbell on Flickr
Are you living the dreams of the current you, or the previous, working beta versions of the real you? Even though you have physically moved beyond childhood, a terrible relationship, crappy job or various other personal growth stages, it doesn’t mean you’ve taken the time to expand and stretch your creative dreams. It could also be one of the main reasons why it seems like things are stagnant or as if “nothing”is happening; your dreams don’t match the current version of you or aren’t yours in the first place.
When you move through big changes or deal with something intense or very quickly, you can forget that you have changed the core of who you are in every way. Sometimes it’s a dramatic, obvious shift and you quickly adjust. Most often the inner changes are soft and subtle, sort of leaking out with little signals to your creative self that doing some things the same old way just doesn’t feel “right” anymore. Next comes the ongoing inner monologue:
- What does feel right? I’m not sure anymore…
- How can I change what I’m doing now to feel better without knowing why I feel different?
- If I’m scared, does that mean I’m doing something wrong?
- Is there something wrong with me?
- What if I do something wrong now that I’m so unsure of myself?
- Did I lose insight or talent I won’t get back again?
- Will I ever feel creative again in the same ways and release this anxiety?
And the list will repeat itself and grow…
This is one indication that your inspirations and dreams have not caught up to the newest, clear, free-flowing version of yourself, which leaves a big cloud of doubt and frustration lingering over you. We all long to connect with that familiar feeling of creative safety, but the same old tricks don’t work, and you start to realize you need to learn how to connect with the creative parts of yourself in a new way, which can be very overwhelming.
Friends don’t seem to understand or able to connect with you or regular activities leave you feeling empty or disconnected from yourself. It’s a challenge to focus or sit still and you often find yourself lingering in the past to go over what changed or used to be instead of looking forward to what CAN be. Overall, you feel displaced.
The Value of Creative Reflection
Outside of the analysis paralysis, you are in a state of creative reflection, and that’s a good thing! The next step is looking into where some of the older, beta versions of you are still leading your creative expression.
Often when you are younger you develop creative protective strategies that serve a purpose at the time, but when you are an adult and out of danger, you forget to release them. And they often form at different points in our development and end up pushing against each other in adulthood.
One common behavior is hyper vigilance (I’ve been working through this behavior) where you’ve learned to watch and examine every detail possible so you can’t possibly be caught off guard, and as you grow older, you start to contract your energy and “stay small” so you can remain safe. There is also a lack of trust. On the other hand you might be an overachiever, trying to out perform the highest expectations of yourself and your family. By having this mismatch between the desire to overachieve but also keep yourself safe, you can start to run into some big creative challenges with the mind, as there is no way to feel safe with creative exploration or change as long as these two outdated beliefs are butting heads.
These are just some ways we end up feeling less than zero in the creativity department, but there are dozens of other ways the mind keeps you creating through the eyes of your former self. It’s also common to take on the desires and hopes of parents, family members or friends instead of connecting with our own, and not even realize it, because it feels safer. In reality, it makes us feel distant or unable to truly connect to our own creative dreams, because we are trying to live the dreams of another. The most important part is understanding when these patterns formed and how they show up in your everyday life now, bringing up the feelings of being stuck.
Once you begin to acknowledge, honor and release old thought patterns and fears through meditation, therapy or outside guidance, you free up space to create from the real, current you, and feel so much lighter and in touch with own dreams! Just remember that it’s a process with many layers, and takes time and patience with yourself.
What are some areas in your life where you’ve noticed you revert to “former” versions of you? Is it triggered by a particular situation or person? How do you move past it and open up to creative freedom?