Don’t get stuck in your own back story to avoid change.
Change can feel like a scary word, even if you’ve offered it an open, heartfelt invitation into your life. Knee-jerk reactions including, “What the hell was I thinking?” or “Maybe it’s not too late to change my mind” are also common, as you turn back to review the series of choices that brought you to the present day. It’s absolutely normal to have a few flashbacks and heart attacks while moving through deep inner change. What matters most is the step you take next. Will you travel into the future towards change or dig into shades of the past?
Review your “Story” Without Getting Stuck in a Flashback and How it’s Useful
Looking back into the past can be fun. Old photos, stories about past relationships and crazy coincidences are always great in flashback mode, meaning, you flash back to them and move on. When you can see things from the 1000 foot view (and know they are behind you) it’s so much easier to connect the dots that show you why your path was important.
The true value of a back story is the sense of clarity and empowerment in understanding how you’ve changed along the path. The experience has helped crack you open and move into something bigger for yourself. Just remember, with the back story blocking the view ahead of you, how much space do you really have to stretch into deep inner change and bring in the new?
One way your back story can serve as a useful tool is to help you more deeply connect with others in your life. There is something about sharing your vulnerable, soft underbelly in the form of a personal story that is very healing for you as well as the person who witnesses it. And in the spirit of sharing, here’s a bit of my back story…
Before I moved to Colorado 14 years ago this this month (crazy!) I had never thought of moving out here, let alone traveling here. My family always stayed pretty close to home, nestled on the east coast, and were never all that interested in travel. I was the one who was ready for an adventure and big change in my life, so I jumped at the opportunity to upend it by moving across the country from Connecticut to become a Coloradoan.
As much as my mind envisioned an amazing opportunity to completely start over with ease, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My romantic relationship had problems and was rocky. I didn’t have a car or any friends to talk to while the relationship tossed and turned. My family was far away, but couldn’t really understand what I was going through anyway, and old friends felt abandoned and we lost touch. After that I got into car accidents, had trouble finding work I liked, and the boring list goes on and on.
In that same span of 14 years, I dumped the guy, took a trip to Guatemala, traveled all over Colorado, started my own business, became a part of an awesome entrepreneurial community, began the process of connecting with my true inner self and partnered with a fantastic man who mirrors what I need to grow in healthy ways in a romantic relationship.
It’s taken me 11 of the last 14 years to be able to look at ALL the parts of my backstory in a way that feels empowering instead of like a series chaotic things that happened to me. I still fall into this mindset from time to time. I also sometimes wonder how life would have worked out had I made a different choice here or there, but the present remains unchanged, regardless. And isn’t that what’s most relevant, the present moment?
Change has it’s own pace and timing, if you are open to it.
Managing Deep Inner Change
So if you are in the middle of deep inner changes or desire to open up to some, there are questions you can use to expand your perspective, while keeping you grounded, so you don’t get stuck in a flashback. Remember, there is no “right way” to do inner work, but it does require a willingness to spend time alone in order to help keep old energy movin’ on out. Just be gentle with yourself, as insights may take some time to become clear.
Here are some questions to give you a starting point:
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Do the same dynamics or patterns keep coming up in your life with friends and romantic partners? Are you willing to choose something different this time, even if it’s scary?
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Are you often exhausted by a certain kind of task or person? Explore this idea in your present life, and see where it might have far-reaching ties to similar experiences in your past.
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Is there an idea or person you are still holding onto, but you have no idea why?
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Are there things you never tried, even though you wanted to, because you were afraid? Do you know why you are afraid?
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Do you have a chronic health condition that started after a specific event in your life?
Your life’s journey is about more than putting one foot in front of the other. It’s a living documentation of you where you’ve grown and where you still need to grow, where you have pain you are ready to release, the opportunities for joy you are ready to expand into and, most importantly, how you absolutely need to trust your inner self, no matter what rises up to shape your path.
Tell me about something that has helped shape your path, taking you to where you are today…
Photo credit: grantlairdjr