Image credit: WesleyFryer
Personal communication styles are influenced by countless elements throughout our lives. As we grow up with family, we emulate or fight against what doesn’t suit us. We are also influenced by friends and heartbreak, by loss and change. Our internal mental tapes, fears and life experiences direct how we are willing (or not) also show up in various degrees. All together, they shape how we communicate with ourselves and others in two main ways; what we show and what we tell.
Once you get to a point in your life where you are even the slightest bit self-aware, you can begin to make choices about changing how you connect with the inner you and outwardly with others. Do the old elements still serve you? Make you happy? Allow you to truly share, heart to heart in a way that leaves you vulnerable as well as exponentially enlightened in countless ways?
Or do your fears still run the show, keeping you from sharing the truth of yourself, your ideas and thoughts with others — especially those you are closest to? Are the stodgy, defensive walls you have created to protect yourself just like a horse with blinders on, leaving you unable to see anything outside your narrow view or perspective, plodding the known trail?
The Inner Path of Questions and Connection
Getting clear on how you hear and acknowledge your own inner messages is THE key to managing everything. It’s only in solitude and a willingness to explore the inner “selves”can you begin to actually acknowledge and communicate with the true you, deciphering what is mind chatter, doubt and the ego’s interference, run by fear vs. truth.
For me, I feel a truth in my body. It’s like a wave of energy that flows through me, head to toe, that tells me I’m connecting with a truth. I also can be suddenly moved by tears by something that speaks the truth to me — whether it’s a photo, video, quote or interaction with another person. But how I connect with myself is only one part of the picture. As part of a collective community, there is a whole world of people out there I need to communicate my truth to as well, and that’s not as easy to share. In other words, how I decide what to show and what to tell and to what degree.
The “Outward” Show and Tell
We all do it; share the parts we want to. In contrast, some folks have anger or insecurities they are unwilling to acknowledge, so their “stuff” is always thrown out in a confrontational or obvious way. Whatever your approach, as you grow and evolve, these parts change to suit your needs and personal filters. You may hide more because of past hurts or be more actively open because we’ve grown and feel more confident in sharing our true self. And yes, having clear boundaries around these things that feel comfortable to you is very important. Being wide open doesn’t make your approach “better”or more enlightened.
How we choose to show and tell the truth of ourselves with others is directly proportional to how confident we are in our own skin and inner knowing, and trust that everything will be OK no matter what. Tall order? Yes, or course. But the one thing you can count on always is chaos — the chaos within that projects outward and the chaos outside of you that is trying to make it’s way in. That’s why being clear on how you communicate with yourself and others is so important, because you cannot control what’s outside of you, only how you deal with it when it shows up at your front door.
If you are sensing an increase in general chaos lately, you are not alone. A lot of things are a bit intense right now for everyone, and we are in a huge time of acknowledgement and release that will allow us to move forward with a perspective of light and willingness to flow with what’s new and better for us personally.
Chaos is not something that is going to magically go away either, just because you will it. In order to work with it, you need to greet it; accept it’s presence and get used to the idea that the two of you will have an ongoing relationship for the rest of your life. It’s how you evolve, as things get mirrored back to you to show you where you new growth is still waiting; sparking discomfort and readiness for change.
Just remember, we all have the right to be heard, even if we aren’t sure exactly how it’s going to be received. It could feel like it’s blowing up in your face. It could seem like it’s cutting off paths you aren’t ready to release — even if you have no idea where they might have led you. And sometimes your truth blows another person’s truth wide open, but that’s OK. You cannot hide what feels right to you just because it doesn’t match what another person may believe — even if your truth dramatically changes how they see the world after your exchange.
The Living Evolution of Human Connection and Communication
As you work with breaking down your own filters and outdated beliefs, you will become more open and soften. You will change your boundaries to be more flexible instead of defensive. You will change how you show and tell so that others will change how they show up with you as well. And it will be a natural process for you.
In turn, you will also change what is OK for you to receive and how you receive it, which is totally within your right and an important part of the communication process. How and what you choose to receive is entirely your call, and the other critical piece to showing up in truth.
I invite you today and every day to determine your truth and communicate it internally and outwardly as best you can. This honors you, enables you to shine your light clearly and contributes to the greater good of finding truth in the chaos.
And of course; let me know where you are with your own communication styles. Where are you struggling with yourself or others? What have you found that really works? I look forward to hearing more.