It happens in a second. Sometimes in a millisecond. You aren’t stunned as much as you are completely unprepared and confused, but at the same time, it all just clicks. Then you begin to realize, oh yea…this is the new truth. And life will be forever different.
But don’t go automatically thinking I mean this in a negative context, or that it’s the result of some big, mind blowing event. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. This new reality is freedom. It’s growth. It’s the idea that life can evolve differently through the new understanding you now have. And it all happened in a fraction of a moment.
So the real question is, when reality slaps you in the face, do you slap back? Or do you open up to the new?
As a very passionate lady, sometimes my first reaction is just that, very passionate. After a few deep breaths, I can come back to my truth. I understand my own power and know when my power or value is not being appreciated. I also understand that striking back does not make me more powerful. Drawing new, very clear, much more defined boundaries is actually what enables the table to shift, and it’s the ultimate transmission of the power from the experience into something transforming instead of limiting.
Are there sometimes hurt feelings? Sure. A sense of loss or grieving? Absolutely. Is there a feeling of fear about what’s next? Of course!
But there is also relief in knowing the struggle is over, and that your perspective can now be refreshed and ready to create a new way for life to show up by drawing better, clearer, stronger boundaries.
Good Boundaries Makes Decisions Easier and Clearer AND you Feel Better
Sometimes the idea of boundaries comes across as negative because it seems like you are creating giant fences to keep out the “baddies.” Well, that’s one way to look at it. The way I see it, it’s an opportunity to create something better, faster, and cleaner that feels good and gives you a clear sense of where your joy is in the moment.
When your boundaries are clear about work, love, money, relationships, collaborations, living arrangements (bla bla bla), life is much easier to navigate and a lot less scary. You know where you stand, and if you need to speak up or back off. Even better, you stop providing good “breeding ground” for explosive situations because you realize the combination of things that create them in the first place. And you also know when something is just not a fit.
Most importantly, you feel more confident and grounded in your own inner knowing by clearing out a lot unnecessary confusion and doubt with clear, well articulated boundaries. It’s like creating the rules of the road for you own life, except they can change and grow with you as you do.
Create Boundaries that Feel Healthy and Light
Not sure how to begin to create boundaries? Start by looking at what bothers you or where you feel discomfort in dealing with people, situations or ideas. Pay attention to what makes you feel positive or what drains you, then make note of consistent patterns.
Then write a new “script” centered around what brings you joy, and take action. Work around or eliminate the things that bug you as much as possible, and then find new ways to be OK with the ones that still do. Boundaries are not so much about eliminating every annoyance and inconvenience, as they are a way to create a better “strainer” that filters out the unnecessary parts, so you can focus on what’s important, pretty or not.
The most important part is to make the first effort in doing something different or voicing different ideas, because no one is going to do that work for you. And of course, definitely drop the drama queens in your life. You already know who they are!
So what’s your most important boundary? How has life shifted for you since you’ve put it into action?
Photo by Joshjanssen