Creative Katrina

Photo by CJ Isherwood

It’s common knowledge that allowing space and time around difficult situations, people or important life decisions is a simple way to provide new perspective. Lettin’ it ride takes the pressure off, releases the emotion from a situation and gives it a breath of fresh air, allowing new insights time to take root. That’s what being a mature adult is all about, knowing when to say when – so to speak.

But when does letting the path to something emerge on it’s own turn into old fashioned avoidance? There is a distinct difference between doing NOTHING and letting things flow naturally. And yes, I’m perfectly aware that sounds confusing.

So….let’s kick that around a bit.

When you are clear within, you know your boundaries, likes and dislikes and what makes you happy (yes, a life long exploration and your answers will constantly change). You can easily distinguish the right amount of time you may need to relax into something; letting it mature organically. You’re also fully aware if all the necessary information required to make an informed decision may not be available yet, and something in your gut tells you to sit on it a while until things smooth out on their own. Most importantly, you are actively taking time alone to explore possibilities and new truths within, without putting pressure or guilt on yourself or blaming others.

In the opposite corner of the ring is our old friend fear, pouring on guilt, anxiety and feelings of frustration as you do anything and everything to avoid thinking about a person or situation. Immediate reactions are often to hide, disassociate and avoid altogether, doing anything else – usually escapist activities such as drinking, drugs, caffeine, sex, video games, excessive working out – (insert your dalliance here). Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily; everyone needs some sort of release in order work through frustration, but if that soon turns into the only thing you are doing, than you are wearing your avoidance sombrero and slurping down the tequila worm on the regular.

And of course, let’s not leave out obsessive thinking or worry, because those can make us FEEL like we are actually doing something, but in reality, it’s a way to keep us confused and in a cycle of avoidance. It’s one of the easiest patterns to slip into and holds us hostage in multiple ways, not to mention the stress it puts on the mind and body.

So what’s the best way to sift through the mind muck and get down to business?

Take out time for “personal processing” — allowing yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up. Anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, longing (insert endless emotional choices) come in waves, and they want to be acknowledged. If you don’t create space or private time to let them go, they manifest into major confusion and over time, stress, illness and disease. All avoidance does is make the things you don’t want to see more intense and scary to deal with in the long run.

The truth is, the only path to real change is straight into the chaos. And the more open and honest you can be with yourself in the moment, the more you realize that you are not run by emotions or the things the wish you avoid, if you let them have a way to move on.

Getting to the heart of balance is most tricky when you can’t see outside your own mind and try to avoid getting into the muck. The most important thing to understand is that balance is a moment by moment experience – and you will find a way to make it part of your every day life if you allow, release and grow to a new level of patience and understanding of yourself.

Photo by Cocoabiscuit

With digital overload and limited face to face time, handshakes are more important than ever. In fact, handshakes may be the one and only time you have physical human contact with a potential long-term connection, so fire up those peepers and pay attention!

I put a lot of stock in a handshake because it tells you something much more truthful than the words pouring out of a person’s mouth. A handshake can corroborate or dispel the image a person throws out at you, as much as they can clearly demonstrate different dimensions of a person in a non-verbal context. Most importantly they can give you big insights about someone’s authenticity.

Subtle Clues, Big Insights

Authenticity is big for me; perhaps the most important tool I use when deciding to collaborate with a potential client, business partner or connect with someone as a friend. In order to make clear, solid decisions about personal connections, I run through a few key questions to assess a person’s authenticity through their handshake.

• Is their hand limp and lax, waiting for you to do all the work?
• Is their hand strong to the point of squeezing, rather than an actual hand shake, so your palms never fully touch?
• Do they look you in the eye as they shake your hand, or nervously look in another direction?
• Do they seem in a hurry to “get ‘er done?”
• Most importantly, are they able to take your hand with confidence and engage in a real moment of human to human heart connection?

Are there exceptions? Sure! Some people are just shy initially and that might come across in their personal interactions — especially if they spend a lot of time alone. What I’m suggesting is to simply pay attention to that first hand-to-hand connection, and see how it matches up with subsequent interactions. You also might get all the information you needed at first “shake.”

What Non-verbal Hints Really Reveal

Yes, non-verbal communication is by no means a secret, new discovery. But it’s a tool most people don’t utilize fully when initially assessing potential associations. If you tend to be somewhat dense about these kinds of things, let me lay it out for you.

If a person is fidgety and disconnected in their handshake, it’s probably how they are going to act if you collaborate with them, too. If they hurry and rush through your interaction, avoiding eye contact and talking over you, most likely they will talk right over your good ideas and be light on the listening. In contrast, if they are caring, open to new ideas and willing to listen, they are probably warm, friendly and have a firm, yet non-aggressive handshake as they make eye contact with you.

These are just some examples, of course, but I do encourage you to be on high alert to notice anything that might seem off, disconnected or feel awkward. If you can work out the kinks during subsequent contact, great! It’s just that often people miss the initial subtle clues that could have made a world of difference in terms of their choices.

Handshakes in a Digital World

So what if face to face is never a possibility? There are plenty of people I never actually meet face-to-face, but we are able to work together flawlessly or have become good friends. The same initial interaction review points still apply over the phone, video chat or instant message. Unresponsive is unresponsive. Conversation hog is a conversation hog. Distracted is distracted. Delightful, engaged and playful is a good start.

Just spend that little extra effort during the first few interactions to see what you notice. And know that someone is probably doing the exact same thing, right back at ya.

(Source: creativekatrina.com )