Creative Katrina

Photo by CJ Isherwood

It’s common knowledge that allowing space and time around difficult situations, people or important life decisions is a simple way to provide new perspective. Lettin’ it ride takes the pressure off, releases the emotion from a situation and gives it a breath of fresh air, allowing new insights time to take root. That’s what being a mature adult is all about, knowing when to say when – so to speak.

But when does letting the path to something emerge on it’s own turn into old fashioned avoidance? There is a distinct difference between doing NOTHING and letting things flow naturally. And yes, I’m perfectly aware that sounds confusing.

So….let’s kick that around a bit.

When you are clear within, you know your boundaries, likes and dislikes and what makes you happy (yes, a life long exploration and your answers will constantly change). You can easily distinguish the right amount of time you may need to relax into something; letting it mature organically. You’re also fully aware if all the necessary information required to make an informed decision may not be available yet, and something in your gut tells you to sit on it a while until things smooth out on their own. Most importantly, you are actively taking time alone to explore possibilities and new truths within, without putting pressure or guilt on yourself or blaming others.

In the opposite corner of the ring is our old friend fear, pouring on guilt, anxiety and feelings of frustration as you do anything and everything to avoid thinking about a person or situation. Immediate reactions are often to hide, disassociate and avoid altogether, doing anything else – usually escapist activities such as drinking, drugs, caffeine, sex, video games, excessive working out – (insert your dalliance here). Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily; everyone needs some sort of release in order work through frustration, but if that soon turns into the only thing you are doing, than you are wearing your avoidance sombrero and slurping down the tequila worm on the regular.

And of course, let’s not leave out obsessive thinking or worry, because those can make us FEEL like we are actually doing something, but in reality, it’s a way to keep us confused and in a cycle of avoidance. It’s one of the easiest patterns to slip into and holds us hostage in multiple ways, not to mention the stress it puts on the mind and body.

So what’s the best way to sift through the mind muck and get down to business?

Take out time for “personal processing” — allowing yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up. Anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, longing (insert endless emotional choices) come in waves, and they want to be acknowledged. If you don’t create space or private time to let them go, they manifest into major confusion and over time, stress, illness and disease. All avoidance does is make the things you don’t want to see more intense and scary to deal with in the long run.

The truth is, the only path to real change is straight into the chaos. And the more open and honest you can be with yourself in the moment, the more you realize that you are not run by emotions or the things the wish you avoid, if you let them have a way to move on.

Getting to the heart of balance is most tricky when you can’t see outside your own mind and try to avoid getting into the muck. The most important thing to understand is that balance is a moment by moment experience – and you will find a way to make it part of your every day life if you allow, release and grow to a new level of patience and understanding of yourself.

Photo: cloud_nine

We create all day long. Fantastic grandiose ideas thrown in amongst thoughts of errands, irritations and obligations. And as those moments of creative brilliance shine through, do you say WOO HOO! I gotta write this down! Or do you immediately start picking them apart, reviewing all the angles to convince yourself why it will never work, why it’s not perfect?

Humans have super powers when it comes to our ability to talk ourselves into and out of anything. This very powerful skill helps us move through challenges and stuck points, heartbreak and tragedy, to grow and transform into a more evolved version of ourselves. The very same skill blows up a great idea before it even gets out of the starting gate.

Fear and Expectations

Being infused with an amazing idea is awesome! Let it sink in and savor it. Daydream and play. Visualize how it can be expanded or improved and infuse it with life. Just be open and see how it shapes up.

Of course you need to examine all the angles eventually, but just because a particular idea or undertaking is hard, does it mean you should abandon it all together? Is it a “sign” that it just won’t work? Depends on the difficulties you encounter.

If something is hard to achieve because you need to train, learn something new or there is stiff competition, well, that’s just life. But there’s a sneaky hidden factor often at play in most seemingly challenging situations, and that’s fear. It lurks in the background of everything new you try that pushes your threshold, holding you back and forcing you to over analyze every idea. The result? You never pull the trigger to set something in motion, so great ideas languish smothered by fear.

Ask Fear What’s Up

There is a common belief that fear must be eradicated. As you move through life, experiences and explore tools that open your mind, the fear can become manageable but is not demolished. It changes into something you learn how to co-habitate with, so-to-speak. Then is has the chance to transform into a healing opportunity.

Do your best to move past the worry and explore angles that may be cloaked in fear. Perhaps you have a real, legitimate reason to be afraid? Family dynamics, old bosses that tore you down, crappy experiences you can’t forget — the list is endless. And now that these fears exist, the only way to release their hold on you is to be open to making friends with them.

Fears develop over time, starting out as little seeds watered by frustration, doubt and other misinformation. So what better way to break new creative ground for peaceful coexistence then getting to their core?

Face to Face with Fear

How you do this is so intensely personal, it’s hard to prescribe a method of management. What I can say is that regular meditation, time alone to process the emotions related to each fear and patience with yourself are all important, but most of all, the willingness to finally face your fears is the most critical piece.

So instead of the desire towards perfection, re-frame it into a desire to come face to face with your fears. It’s an experience in transformation that will be one of the most powerful in your life.

Photo credit: AuntieP

Each spring the human race feels compelled to wash windows, clean out closets and give our home the once over. The cathartic act of physical cleaning is peaceful in its own way, helping us slough off winter energy and prepare for a fiery new spring adventure among the tweeting birds and budding trees. It’s instinctual.

In spring we also feel a renewed sense of wanting to “get moving”. We don’t always know why or where we’re headed, but it’s a very deep desire to shake things up and get on the race track, so to speak. But there is a problem with that kind of thinking. Race tracks are closed in; they go in a circles. There is no way to make real progress towards anything, other than an arbitrary finish line that is already pre-determined. The real power is in taking the time to first think about where you want the road to actually go.

What Stays and What Goes?

This has been an interesting question for me lately. I’ve noticed people, things and work opportunities that no longer feel good in my orbit. In some cases specific actions took place that made me clearly realize the connection was kaput. Then the choice became a no-brainer. Others have been a bit more gut-wrenching and personal to let go because they have become part of how I identify myself in the world. As I change and grow, I have realized how important it is to acknowledge, honor and thank those parts of myself that have served their purpose, but now must be put into retirement.

My biggest shift in this spring season has been in turning inward to ask myself what I really want, releasing the compulsion to run around with a need for action without a cause. I’m also resisting the urge to “do” just for the sake of doing. Most people feel this similar tug, but instead they choose to fill their day with tasks and plans to help blot it out. It’s even easier to do when the weather is nice and there are so many beautiful, fun opportunities for distraction.

Honor Your Soul’s Desires and Things Get Simpler

Taking the time to honor your deepest soul desires is much more of an experience than an action. It deserves respect, time and special attention away from the noise of your mind. Reflection time after physical exercise can help those that feel better about zoning out after they have “accomplished” something, and the body has had a chance to release some mental chatter. Early morning and before bed are also good times to linger in or slide into that dream like state of reflection and receiving.

No matter when and how you do it, the important part is that you allow space for it. For many (including myself at times) the real fear is the shift itself, the fear that things will never be the same as they are now. Well, the truth is that if you are feeling incongruent with your own life things NEED to shift. No one else can tell you what that needs to be or how it will happen. So forget the “how” and figure out your own “what”. The events that happen next are all part of your own personal journey, meant to unfold in a way that offers the information you need to move forward with confidence and grace. 

“The other side of every fear is freedom.” Alan Watts