Creative Katrina

Photo by Cocoabiscuit

With digital overload and limited face to face time, handshakes are more important than ever. In fact, handshakes may be the one and only time you have physical human contact with a potential long-term connection, so fire up those peepers and pay attention!

I put a lot of stock in a handshake because it tells you something much more truthful than the words pouring out of a person’s mouth. A handshake can corroborate or dispel the image a person throws out at you, as much as they can clearly demonstrate different dimensions of a person in a non-verbal context. Most importantly they can give you big insights about someone’s authenticity.

Subtle Clues, Big Insights

Authenticity is big for me; perhaps the most important tool I use when deciding to collaborate with a potential client, business partner or connect with someone as a friend. In order to make clear, solid decisions about personal connections, I run through a few key questions to assess a person’s authenticity through their handshake.

• Is their hand limp and lax, waiting for you to do all the work?
• Is their hand strong to the point of squeezing, rather than an actual hand shake, so your palms never fully touch?
• Do they look you in the eye as they shake your hand, or nervously look in another direction?
• Do they seem in a hurry to “get ‘er done?”
• Most importantly, are they able to take your hand with confidence and engage in a real moment of human to human heart connection?

Are there exceptions? Sure! Some people are just shy initially and that might come across in their personal interactions — especially if they spend a lot of time alone. What I’m suggesting is to simply pay attention to that first hand-to-hand connection, and see how it matches up with subsequent interactions. You also might get all the information you needed at first “shake.”

What Non-verbal Hints Really Reveal

Yes, non-verbal communication is by no means a secret, new discovery. But it’s a tool most people don’t utilize fully when initially assessing potential associations. If you tend to be somewhat dense about these kinds of things, let me lay it out for you.

If a person is fidgety and disconnected in their handshake, it’s probably how they are going to act if you collaborate with them, too. If they hurry and rush through your interaction, avoiding eye contact and talking over you, most likely they will talk right over your good ideas and be light on the listening. In contrast, if they are caring, open to new ideas and willing to listen, they are probably warm, friendly and have a firm, yet non-aggressive handshake as they make eye contact with you.

These are just some examples, of course, but I do encourage you to be on high alert to notice anything that might seem off, disconnected or feel awkward. If you can work out the kinks during subsequent contact, great! It’s just that often people miss the initial subtle clues that could have made a world of difference in terms of their choices.

Handshakes in a Digital World

So what if face to face is never a possibility? There are plenty of people I never actually meet face-to-face, but we are able to work together flawlessly or have become good friends. The same initial interaction review points still apply over the phone, video chat or instant message. Unresponsive is unresponsive. Conversation hog is a conversation hog. Distracted is distracted. Delightful, engaged and playful is a good start.

Just spend that little extra effort during the first few interactions to see what you notice. And know that someone is probably doing the exact same thing, right back at ya.

(Source: creativekatrina.com )

Photo by benjaminasmith on Flickr

In the last few weeks I’ve noticed the struggle for the expression of the individual identity in my business dealings, meetings and on social media outlets. Or perhaps as I move through my own personal challenges, it’s something more apparent just to me. Whatever the reason, this blog topic was screaming at me to be expressed. Although it’s a bit different than what I normally cover I couldn’t ignore it. Or perhaps, I just wanted to get a better sense of how others feel about it, too.

The “Self” in your Business

Knowing who you are is important, and being clear on how that ties into the big picture is essential to seeing how you fit into your business community — personally or online. But when does connection and community become more about actually connecting, and not about building a list of potential names you can bombard with your latest offering?

I’m recognizing more and more how folks are fighting to push their individuality out into the world, and that is great — I applaud people for having the courage to share their unique ideas and creativity with a bigger audience. Where is starts feeling icky is when the ideas, products or seminars are created with a guise of wanting to “help” others. In reality, these business folks just selected the right string of SEO words to snag a target demographic and boom — instant interest.

You may even experience this in your own sphere, as people push methods, systems, processes and classes that will “change your life” and get you on track with your business, home life or spiritual practice. Now, don’t get me wrong. Some offers are legit and truly helpful. I have experienced some myself recently, and I’m so grateful for the insight they have provided.

However, there are also many folks using the social media model of an online community to push their own wares first, and connect with people second.

Real power of a business lies in connecting with people first. Then all of the other “pushing” is unnecessary. People stay tuned. They WANT to know about your latest product or service and are looking for ways to enhance your existing relationship. It’s genuine and welcome.

To me, the most obvious example of this is Zen Habits.com. Leo Babuta created a site that talked about topics related to the human condition, and followers showed up because it was authentic. Real. Honest. People weren’t being sold on anything, but people felt compelled to connect because there was something that was of value that they could apply to their own lives. With a built in fan base, he was able to create products he knew people would already be interested in.

The Slippery Slope of the Human Connection in Business

There is a very fine line between being human and connecting with your human-ness. As a human being there are basic things you have come to expect when interacting with others, things we all deal with because we are facing similar life experiences. We connect with this sense of universal relation and create sort of a “situation relation” bond. However, I feel the next step is to take that understanding and mutual relation and use it to connect with someone beyond the surface, beyond what you want for yourself out of the exchange.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s ESSENTIAL for entrepreneurs to promote their products and services to each other. It’s how we stay in business (I’m one myself). But it’s also critical for entrepreneurs to create those one-on-one connections to establish credibility, to connect with the actual, real human needs of that one person to help them in a way that inspires them to be the best at their gifts, and then they can then share that same respect and approach with others.

When you make it about how you can help an individual grow and support themselves in a new way, AND offer a high quality product or service on a universal level, the reward is the inner knowing that what YOU do is valuable beyond the products or seminar you just sold. It’s about tapping into the essence of true community to make a much more significant impact through authenticity, that touches and elevates the performance of clients as much as it puts money in our pockets. It also feels a heck of a lot more awesome.

Photo by bedeutet_jemanden

In my last blog post, I talked about how important it is to listen to your body, and the necessity of being aware of the insight it’s providing you minute by minute about countless things. For example, that afternoon headache could be from staring at the computer or the fact you need glasses, or your body could also be letting you know there may be some things you’re unwilling to see.

That’s what happened to me. And I wasn’t listening to my body’s infinite wisdom.

The Back Drop

I had started my writing business and had been struggling financially. I was working a few other jobs at the same time to keep me afloat, including being a pet sitter and working about 15 hours a week with a local company as a writer. Despite my best efforts, I felt like the need for money was winning above everything else.

Then, an opportunity came up through a friend for an interview as a remote technical writer with a blue chip company. At first the deal was part time, so I could still work with my current clients, grow my business and experiment with my creative ideas. After the initial interview, the offer turned into a full time opportunity AND I had to make up my mind within 48 hours. A mere 48 hours to completely change my life, basically abandon the growth of my business and totally switch gears. I was torn.

I asked everyone I knew for insight, but didn’t really listen to what my body was saying to me. I discounted it all together, as I knew this decision was a big one, and passed it off as nerves. In the end I did say yes, and I kid you not, I felt my soul leave my body when I did. It’s as if my body was saying, “Look! There is still time to change your mind!” But as “good girls” do, I stuck with my decision for safety and security reasons, and the fell victim to the shame associated with going back on my word.

The longer I continued fooling myself that financial security was enough, soon I had multiple health problems. My body started having a holy fit of fits, as I kept pushing through emotions, pain and ignoring the messages I was getting all day long.

At first it was just fatigue, then it was losing weight. Soon it was high blood pressure, and then I was on medication — just like old people. I forced my body to chug along, doing something that felt terrible without really seeing the truth behind my body’s messages. I felt ill most of the time for countless reasons, and doctors and alternative healers had no idea how to help.

I was just so cut off from relating my health issues to my emotions, I didn’t know until it was very painful and obvious that something was really, really out of sync. It took almost two years to figure out what was really going on after I left behind that writing gig for good. And yes, I started over from scratch. Yes, income was scarce at times, and yes, I was super stressed. But the stress relief I felt knowing I was finally free from doing something that turned my soul inside out was so much better. The writing job that was supposed to keep me safe and offer prestige and recognition just ended up making me ill, BECAUSE I did it for the wrong reasons. Fear.

The Next Few Years

The challenges that lay ahead in those first few years after I left were something I could contend with because I new in my heart I had made the right choice for my soul. Even though I was scared, I knew once I had time to get my mind and body more aligned and in sync, I would be making choices that resonated and made things simpler as I regrew my business.

Now, I’m not saying to eliminate the use of logic or reason in your decision making process. What I’m saying is use the instrument most readily at your disposal, your body. Get it tuned up, healthy and clear so are ARE able to tell what you’re really wanting in your soul, not a false idea of what you think that should be doing based on a collection of fears, societal pressures and family programming. Believe me, your body will let you know.

In many ways I thought my body had failed me. Now I know its just providing information and it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to listen.