Creative Katrina

Photo by bedeutet_jemanden

In my last blog post, I talked about how important it is to listen to your body, and the necessity of being aware of the insight it’s providing you minute by minute about countless things. For example, that afternoon headache could be from staring at the computer or the fact you need glasses, or your body could also be letting you know there may be some things you’re unwilling to see.

That’s what happened to me. And I wasn’t listening to my body’s infinite wisdom.

The Back Drop

I had started my writing business and had been struggling financially. I was working a few other jobs at the same time to keep me afloat, including being a pet sitter and working about 15 hours a week with a local company as a writer. Despite my best efforts, I felt like the need for money was winning above everything else.

Then, an opportunity came up through a friend for an interview as a remote technical writer with a blue chip company. At first the deal was part time, so I could still work with my current clients, grow my business and experiment with my creative ideas. After the initial interview, the offer turned into a full time opportunity AND I had to make up my mind within 48 hours. A mere 48 hours to completely change my life, basically abandon the growth of my business and totally switch gears. I was torn.

I asked everyone I knew for insight, but didn’t really listen to what my body was saying to me. I discounted it all together, as I knew this decision was a big one, and passed it off as nerves. In the end I did say yes, and I kid you not, I felt my soul leave my body when I did. It’s as if my body was saying, “Look! There is still time to change your mind!” But as “good girls” do, I stuck with my decision for safety and security reasons, and the fell victim to the shame associated with going back on my word.

The longer I continued fooling myself that financial security was enough, soon I had multiple health problems. My body started having a holy fit of fits, as I kept pushing through emotions, pain and ignoring the messages I was getting all day long.

At first it was just fatigue, then it was losing weight. Soon it was high blood pressure, and then I was on medication — just like old people. I forced my body to chug along, doing something that felt terrible without really seeing the truth behind my body’s messages. I felt ill most of the time for countless reasons, and doctors and alternative healers had no idea how to help.

I was just so cut off from relating my health issues to my emotions, I didn’t know until it was very painful and obvious that something was really, really out of sync. It took almost two years to figure out what was really going on after I left behind that writing gig for good. And yes, I started over from scratch. Yes, income was scarce at times, and yes, I was super stressed. But the stress relief I felt knowing I was finally free from doing something that turned my soul inside out was so much better. The writing job that was supposed to keep me safe and offer prestige and recognition just ended up making me ill, BECAUSE I did it for the wrong reasons. Fear.

The Next Few Years

The challenges that lay ahead in those first few years after I left were something I could contend with because I new in my heart I had made the right choice for my soul. Even though I was scared, I knew once I had time to get my mind and body more aligned and in sync, I would be making choices that resonated and made things simpler as I regrew my business.

Now, I’m not saying to eliminate the use of logic or reason in your decision making process. What I’m saying is use the instrument most readily at your disposal, your body. Get it tuned up, healthy and clear so are ARE able to tell what you’re really wanting in your soul, not a false idea of what you think that should be doing based on a collection of fears, societal pressures and family programming. Believe me, your body will let you know.

In many ways I thought my body had failed me. Now I know its just providing information and it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to listen.

Photo by teo_ladodicivideo

Healing is about the journey, like anything else in life. It takes more than vitamins, exercise and eight glasses of water a day to get you there.

If you take the drugs, therapies, doctors, alternative health practitioners, healthy eating habits and everything else in between out of the equation, you still have a vast majority of folks who are so out of touch with their own body, they have no idea what it’s trying to tell them. Ever.

Your body is the best instrument you have for relieving stress. I say that because when you’re mentally clear and your body is in tune, you’re automatically guided to make choices that feel right, do things that bring joy and you are able to be present in the moment. No stress. No decision making required by the mind. No brain frenzy — just clear, obvious intuitive thoughts that lead you to a natural decision making point and bring you to the next thing. On the other hand, when your body is doing its job and showing up to tell you something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. That is where the problems start.

How the “Must-Do’s” Do you In

As people grow up and into their “responsibilities,” they are so focused on the goal of accomplishment they forget why they are doing the work in the first place. Often they don’t even feel fulfilled in the long-term once the goal is “accomplished”. They trudge, push and angle, trying to move through the commitments they’ve created, when in reality, they can always choose differently. It’s just not always an easy, obvious choice, especially when you’ve been pushing through the fog without a beacon for so long.

The truth is, being blindly led by responsibilities can blot out the body’s ability to feel, so all the signs and signals the body is sharing are devoid of meaning. In this foggy state, people are just unsure of HOW to choose differently.

Making choices based on what feels natural isn’t always practical of course — we all have obligations that are less than exciting. Like paying taxes, changing diapers or paying for gas. However, if you are really in tune with what you want at a deep core level, you move through those less than exciting pieces in life with greater ease and they don’t seem nearly as arduous. You move through them with confidence, peace and clarity, knowing you are going through them for a reason, and your body will tell you what you really need to know better than anything else.

Pay Attention To Your Biggest Ally

The best thing you can do for yourself and your overall health is to pay attention. Put down the electronic device, stop making plans every five minutes and don’t take an aspirin every time you get a headache. Instead, stop and think about what happened in your day up until that point that might have led to how you are feeling. Or, retrace your patterns of thinking to see if you are stressing yourself out with your own thoughts. Find a way to feel grounded, to get out of your mind and tune into the pain or discomfort to see what it’s trying to tell you, gently leading you to a different choice.

Don’t believe it’s possible? Well, it is — because I’ve done it and continue to do it every day. Growing up in a family of worriers and being a natural, chronic over-thinker, I naturally followed the path of doing all of the things I mentioned. After years of this entrenched behavior, was it easy to change? In some ways yes, in others, no. Come back next week to read how my body finally told me, enough is enough — stop drowning your light and gifts in the guise of responsibility and get on the road to health.

This is more of a journal entry style than a blog post, but I thought I would share it anyway.

Reassurance is something we all need and can have, but not something you can expect. Acting without reassurance is not only brave, but essential in order to grow, change and expand into the highest and best version of yourself. When you are in doubt as to weather or not you should be making a change – just breathe. No immediate action is required; it’s just your ego pushing you to take action. The best way to move forward is with heart – love yourself. Make room for meditation, yoga, exercise, alone time, whatever you may need to make room for the answers to show up, instead of acting impulsively on limited information. Time is the best gift we can have or give because it creates space for new insights and information to show up, and reveal the truth behind the blocks that can color our perspective with a veil of fear.

Photo by AlicePopkorn

What truly moves you at your core? This simple question stirs up a range of layers and answers so dynamic, unique and inspiring, it’s possibly one of the most loaded questions a person can contemplate. But when you truly feel it in your soul, the experience of it beelines you to the heart of what makes you tick, acting as a window to directly connect you with your creative source. It’s an amazing thing to witness in yourself or others, and the end destination is always a surprise.

I can instantly dig in deep creatively through music. It’s raw connection gets me inspired in seconds. The words, a beat, a melody –they all work for different reasons. I fall in love with a certain song for a week and then it fades away, almost as if it has served its purpose and I’ve learned and grown. I’m partial to acoustic guitar, mandolin and unique voices of both sexes, as much as I get drawn instantly into the flow of Trance and Electronica or fall into the nostalgia of Classic Rock.

As a writer I drift towards lyrics with meaning as much as I connect with silly, pointless rhymes that get me giggling. I see the words as tool for healing, learning, laughing, sharing and connecting to others as much as the individual parts of myself– and the lyrics show up how I need them to in the moment. Paired with music, they create a unique expression that fills my soul in a way that just doesn’t measure up when I experience them independently.

The most inspiring element of the music for me is the crescendo, no matter the genre of music. As I follow the slow build up, connect to the intense feeling and pounding of the beat, jump inside the intensity of the wave of notes crashing down, I feel it in my core. It’s part of me for that moment – it fills my cells and helps me forget every last thought in my mind. I release everything and remain riveted in the present moment – feeling, connecting and showing up as a free soul.

We all need more moments of intense passion, creative inspiration and divine connection in our lives. Find out what gets you there and do it often. You will see how this consistent connection begins to reshape how you look at all elements of your life, and how easily you can celebrate the beauty of the fleeting present moment.

Photo by Steve Minor

Jumping to conclusions is a human pass time. We all do it, and it’s pretty easy to get there fast. I learned to do it at a very young age, and have spent the last five years reducing that reaction to an occasional slip up.

I see so many people around me doing it for sport like there’s no tomorrow. In my younger years I thought it was just how people were supposed to act — it was what I saw everyone else doing. Now I just see right to the heart of what these judgments really reveal — insecurity.

Jumping to conclusions means that you are referring back to old patterns of thinking, ingrained ways that feel safe and comfortable. Opening up your mind to think of things in a new way, moving past your “training”, assumptions and learned behaviors, is a stretch that  many feel is too uncomfortable. So they don’t change at all. As the years roll by, these people often notice the worst always happens, BECAUSE they expect it too. How is there room for anything else but your worst fears when you cannot admit your insecurities and fears show up as judgments about others?

Yes, this is a big step. Taking ownership of your own insecurities is not comfortable, fun or glamorous. But it’s damn freeing. You just need to be willing to read between the lines to see what is really going on.

Practice, Patience and Reality

I experienced this close-minded thinking earlier this week. I received an email from someone that set off some alarm bells in my head, and I got a bit huffy. I immediately started painting a picture of this person in my mind (we don’t know each other well yet), and thought I had her figured out. She was a combination of my crappy old bosses, yucky clients and general bossy personality traits I dislike. It really pushed my buttons.

When I took a while to respond and she caught me by phone, those “stories” faded away.

This woman was under pressure to meet a deadline, and her regular writer was too busy. She was calm, forth-coming and very agreeable to the project terms I suggested, and I decided to move ahead with the work. In fact, she was nothing like the person I created in my head at all.
 
When old emotions surface, objectivity goes out the window. We usually end up making it about the other person, but it’s really an opportunity to see between the lines – on both sides of the coin.

I was able to see the reality of the situation by listening and reading between the lines. As she talked more about her situation, I sensed she dislikes being under the gun because she takes pride in being organized and ahead of schedule. She was also feeling a bit frustrated about having to look around for a dependable resource at the last minute, and was concerned about how poorly written content might impact her project if she was unable to get help.

By paying attention to all the subtleties of the situation, I was able to get over myself, help her out of a jam and earn some extra scratch. Overall a win-win, once I was willing to look at all angles of the situation. I was able to really see what I was creating…all in my own mind.

Are there times when you have done the same to a friend or someone you barely know? I’d like to hear about your experience.

Photo credit: AuntieP

Each spring the human race feels compelled to wash windows, clean out closets and give our home the once over. The cathartic act of physical cleaning is peaceful in its own way, helping us slough off winter energy and prepare for a fiery new spring adventure among the tweeting birds and budding trees. It’s instinctual.

In spring we also feel a renewed sense of wanting to “get moving”. We don’t always know why or where we’re headed, but it’s a very deep desire to shake things up and get on the race track, so to speak. But there is a problem with that kind of thinking. Race tracks are closed in; they go in a circles. There is no way to make real progress towards anything, other than an arbitrary finish line that is already pre-determined. The real power is in taking the time to first think about where you want the road to actually go.

What Stays and What Goes?

This has been an interesting question for me lately. I’ve noticed people, things and work opportunities that no longer feel good in my orbit. In some cases specific actions took place that made me clearly realize the connection was kaput. Then the choice became a no-brainer. Others have been a bit more gut-wrenching and personal to let go because they have become part of how I identify myself in the world. As I change and grow, I have realized how important it is to acknowledge, honor and thank those parts of myself that have served their purpose, but now must be put into retirement.

My biggest shift in this spring season has been in turning inward to ask myself what I really want, releasing the compulsion to run around with a need for action without a cause. I’m also resisting the urge to “do” just for the sake of doing. Most people feel this similar tug, but instead they choose to fill their day with tasks and plans to help blot it out. It’s even easier to do when the weather is nice and there are so many beautiful, fun opportunities for distraction.

Honor Your Soul’s Desires and Things Get Simpler

Taking the time to honor your deepest soul desires is much more of an experience than an action. It deserves respect, time and special attention away from the noise of your mind. Reflection time after physical exercise can help those that feel better about zoning out after they have “accomplished” something, and the body has had a chance to release some mental chatter. Early morning and before bed are also good times to linger in or slide into that dream like state of reflection and receiving.

No matter when and how you do it, the important part is that you allow space for it. For many (including myself at times) the real fear is the shift itself, the fear that things will never be the same as they are now. Well, the truth is that if you are feeling incongruent with your own life things NEED to shift. No one else can tell you what that needs to be or how it will happen. So forget the “how” and figure out your own “what”. The events that happen next are all part of your own personal journey, meant to unfold in a way that offers the information you need to move forward with confidence and grace. 

“The other side of every fear is freedom.” Alan Watts

Photo by Wild Photon

The creative process is one of the most personal, intimate things someone experiences in their lifetime. It’s unique to you, and only you will know if it feels authentic or fulfilling. Doing what others do to “get into a creative space” may work to blow open an entrance into the rabbit hole, but the real gift is in the process – how YOU as an individual feel and deal with what’s poking its head out of the sand, staring at you.  

What’s really happens during the creative process? It’s the “how”, how we translate our surroundings, impulses, images, emotions and social/personal programming into a specific creative expression. We take these pieces and observations from the outside world, inward, as a first step. But the real gumption towards creative expression starts as you transmit this input through yourself, through your own vision and experience, knowing what to leave out because it doesn’t resonate. Sometimes you have an active choice to kick it off. Other times the creative expression comes out as it chooses, pouring through you effortlessly at any time. 

Are you Willing to “Go There?”

We all have a story to tell, but are you willing to tell it? Are you willing to dig deep and see how the pieces that stick in your mind, that continue to make themselves known and visible on the surface, are begging for creative expression? They are showing up for just that reason. It’s part of what makes you unique – your view on how the bits and pieces of you tie together and come out into a formation of your making: aka creative expression. 

Doesn’t matter what it looks, sounds or smells like. No need for it to make sense to anyone else or for you to share. What does matter is that you acknowledge the need and right for creative expression to emerge and wiggle its way out, somehow. Make time and space for it to peek its head through the door and zip around the page, canvas, kitchen counter, garage or whatever feels right. The options are as endless as your imagination.

The more honest you are with yourself, the deeper, more intense, more personal your creative process becomes. And in turn, it transforms you. It’s a never ending cycle of beauty and rebirth – if you let it run its’ natural, wild course.

Photo by origamindon

We all get stuck. Usually you have an inkling about what’s buggin’ you, but distract yourself into thinking you don’t. Other times the “what” just keeps slipping out of your hands like a snake covered in baby oil. It slithers into the background out of sight, but you feel its presence, lurking in the shadows.

Thoughts about the “what” keep you on edge because you don’t know when its finally going to peek out, tongue flickering, to make the big reveal. No way to prepare. And even though there is no reason to be scared, you are because it’s the UNKNOWN. Human beings are most afraid of what they don’t know. That’s what makes it so easy to get stuck in a rut. It’s safer.

A Method to the Madness

This week I wrote a poem. The first one in over three years. It’s called “Cracked”. As a teenager, poems were like a close friend no human could match. I would take my cactus of emotions; rough, confusing and prickly and pour them out into jagged prose. Poems were the fastest way to directly capture my feelings rather than explaining around them in a narrative. They could show up raw, real and exposed.

The page magically filled with words that were unique and meant something special to me; a direct line of communication to the inner depths of myself. I didn’t realize how much I missed it; the words alive with passion, clarity and truth. Succinct yet immensely freeing. Going back to that familiar playground this week felt so, so right.

Is there something you used to do when you were younger to vent, to get to the raw depths of your emotions and let them free? Run around the house and scream? Break something? Throw a tantrum? Is it something you can still do today? Are you willing?

The snake may bite. Then again, it might not. But if you don’t open up you can’t let go, either.

Photo by jcoterhals on Flickr

In the course of a day, most people can quickly tell you the 10 things that went wrong compared to the 1000 that actually went off without a hitch. The douche that cut you off in traffic is the spawn of the devil. That granny had it out for you in the grocery store, getting in your way at every turn – on purpose. Then there is the matter of the lunch bill where “you know who” skimped again.

Even though these offenses are minor and not very often, we tend to hang on to those much longer than we appreciate that flawless good things in a day. Your car started. You got somewhere safely. You’re in good health. You have food and a place to stay.

So what does it take to navigate the pot holes and spend more time appreciating the “goodies”? Well, in my case, it took some butt kickin’.

East Coast Girl Busts Loose; Enter Pot Holes

As an east coaster, I grew up a complainer. It’s just what you do. Having a subtle annoyed tone to everything you say is a trademark. You commiserate in misery, about who done you wrong and how you’re getting screwed over, yet again. Not to say EVERYONE is like this, however, this overtone is not looked at in a negative way when you live there. It’s just normal.

Then I was whisked away to Colorado by a lovely boy I’d met during the summer in Boston. I left the pessimism behind and was greeted by sunshine, mountains and smiles. SMILES! People were friendly just for the hell of it. They made eye contact. They acknowledged you. I was transformed into a believer. I thought, “Nothing can go wrong now!”

The fact I had no job, car or friends was forgotten. I was in a new land with a new perspective. A chance to dramatically change the direction of my life for the better, and leave behind the series of jobs in high-tech public relations that had drowned my creative spirit.

Reality Bites Back

After a few months of awesomeness, reality pushed its puss-like head to the surface. The boy and I were arguing. He was staying out of the house more. I still had no job. We had one car, a stick, and I didn’t know how to drive it yet. I had no friends that weren’t also friends with the boy. I felt lonely and sad, but I didn’t want to prove to my family they may have been right to be skeptical of my move. So I did my best to hide it.

Then the unexpected happened. Break up time. Emotional. Challenging. Feeling of being lost. No one to rely on. Overwhelmed. Freaking out. Yet, I didn’t think of turning back to move home.

I will not lie – the next six months or so were some of the hardest ever in my life to this day. The unemployment ran out. I had to move in with other people who were pretty much strangers, and some shit went down that wasn’t pretty. My first grand parent died and I couldn’t make it out for the funeral. But no matter how much I thought about it, I still couldn’t bring myself to leave Colorado.

Dump the Bowl of Bitter Flakes

Things did get better. Kind of. Me and the boy patched things up, only to end it yet again with much more pizazz, destruction and pain a few years later. I was lost and confused, thinking, “What about the time I wasted in a relationship that went no where with a person who wasn’t worth it?” “Why do all these pot holes keep knocking me down at the knees?”

Then, I finally moved into a neutral space with friends for a few months. I sorted my crap out. I found a roommate. I started freelancing. I made more friends; good ones. I figured things out. The pot holes were getting filled and I was making progress.

I finally realized I could actually see the strong, vibrant, positive person I was becoming. Crawling out of the bottom of the muck, when I didn’t think it could get worse, I saw my own shadow behind me. I had been transformed from my experiences, each, day, hour and minute. A new me showed up, and I was pleasantly surprised.

I could finally see how each pot hole was really a trophy, and showed me how working through one thing naturally prepared me for the next.

Next time you think that unexpected delays, experiences and pot holes do nothing but ruin your day, really think about it. Where would you be without them? 

Photo credit: Lucy_Hill on Flickr

Most of the time when you run into people and ask how they’re doing, they answer in one of two ways: “fine, how are you?” or “I’m swamped; I have so much to do!”

Today we are going to talk about the “I’m perpetually busy” response and what it really means.

Look, we all get busy. I get it. Life flows as it does and constant preparing to control every aspect of it is not living, its existing. So, how do you manage the life in front of you before you become entangled in a game of constant catch-up? Breathe. Sit down. Release your mobile device or brownie. Then review your routines. Honestly.

Must-Have Basics and Outdated Routines

Basic tasks such as brushing your teeth, showering, eating, managing work and home, spending time with loved ones and fitting in exercise can get overwhelming at times. But, what are your routines around these things? Are you dragging yourself through every last one? Are you feeling energized? Do you always feel you’re running out of time? (Please keep in mind that I say this as a procrastinator at heart.)

What you may not notice readily, is that your lack of ability to commit to the routines you create is the same as not knowing yourself well enough to create the kind of supportive lifestyle you need. Bet you never thought of it that way.

Plug and Play vs. Customize

A lot of people want a formula to plug and play. That approach can work with doing laundry, paying bills and other no-thought tasks, but how you choose to put together your routine is what will make or break your enjoyment of life. Its the real difference between surviving and thriving.

For example, I’m not a morning person. Never have been. When I get out of bed earlier than 7, 7:30 I am “off” the rest of the day. This includes waking up on my own or if the alarm blasts my butt into reality. So, instead of forcing myself and my heavy limbs to early morning meetings or to hack out morning pages ala The Artist’s Way I just don’t do it – at that time of the day.

Know Thyself; Create a Natural Routine that Works

Knowing your body’s natural rhythms and how to mesh that with all you need to do can be a challenge, but its doable. And before you tell me its not easy to do with kids, I totally get it. My sister tells me that all the time. Its also glaringly obvious that she doesn’t take simple steps to make things easier for herself, either. They are your children, not your dictators. Set the example for them to follow. Of course there are exceptions, but noting you need to be flexible as a parent is like preaching to the choir.

We all get trapped in routines – doing, thinking and connecting in a similar way all the time. Soon we realize we don’t feel as fulfilled as we once were, or would like to be. Well, nothing changes if you continue to set yourself up for failure. Reevaluate and switch up routines to create a more user-friendly lifestyle that supports how your life is NOW. Then watch the grace of life show up to support you.

I also implore you to drop the attachment to “busy = important” story. You don’t have to prove anything, but it IS important to know what works for you today and your evolved life. Even if you don’t think you show up that way, its still worth a review.

Getting a handle on creating a life that supports you in busy and slow times is an art form in and of itself, but I know you can do it. Just start somewhere!