People think they know what they need to feel good and fulfilled. More of this, less of that. Someone to bugger off for a while. A hug. A fight. More money. Less family. Anything sprinkled with chocolate shavings and kisses.
The truth is, many people still aren’t sure at a deep, soul level. With the pressure of “shoulds” mashed with expectations, half-truths and delusions instigated by people who have made you doubt yourself, it takes some pretty extensive dedication to bypass the sea of flaming turds and get to the juicy, raw soul dream stuff. And own it.
When you become aware of the discord between what you should want to be happy and what you really want, then it becomes a duel for the truth. A longing to get in touch with the real meat and bones of your desires, the non-practical, gut-driven passionate thoughts of folly. Its these thoughts that are truly leading you in the right direction, but we have been trained to blast them out of the water because they may not seem practical.
And all this conditioning starts when you are a wee little one.
Childhood Habits Die Hard
As a young girl I was always in a rush. Head down, sights locked, prize in view. No meandering. No long walks without a destination.
I was all about stepping stones, building blocks. Why would I do something unless I knew what I was going to get out of it? Why waste the time?
I pushed through college, high school and graduate school. Check, check and check. I was finished at age 22 having completely jammed my brain full of volumes of surely useful information. Now I needed to actually use it. So what did I do with my cool, new super-inflated brain? The logical thing of course.
I took the first job that came my way because it was easy and “practical.” It was a full time job at the same company I was doing an internship with at the time. The switch to full-time really meant “now we get to treat you like total crap because we no longer have to impress your university.” An employee at the company even took me aside and asked if I was sure. He recommended I look around a bit and really think about what I wanted, but no. When you are checking things off your list who has time to THINK about frivolous options? I had a job offer at a place where I already knew the ropes so to speak, so why would I say no?
Getting Used to the “Real World”
As I forced myself to push through the work experience, I was learning next to nothing. I was miserable and sad, but I still didn’t know what I wanted. I just thought I had to do the practical thing and stay working. That is what big people do, right? Suck it up? Take home the dollars? Forget how much I spent in alcohol tabs trying to erase the day, or my poor boyfriend who has to listen to me cry every Sunday night as I dreaded even the thought of returning to the “hell hole.”
After a horrible six months or so I finally left, but as an over-schooled non-experienced writer with an “attitude problem.” I got yet another job doing similar work in high-tech PR soon after, and so went the jobs after that for years. I just continued to do the type of work I knew because it paid the bills and I was good at it, even if it never fed my soul.
Will the Real Creative Katrina Please Stand Up
Today I write about tons of things I enjoy. The only technology writing I actually do is for green businesses, cool start-ups or companies using technology to make a difference in the world — all things that feed my passion. I feel really good about that. I bet if I asked my 22 year old self if I would have preferred this career path earlier on, my soul would have soared. I would have been beaming. I just didn’t take the time to actually sit down and ask. I didn’t think I had the right to make money and be happy at the same time.
If you are ready to hear the answer, sit down and ask yourself what you truly want, no barriers. What passions would you pursue if money was no object and you just followed your gifts and talents? The answers might come rushing to the top of your head or you might need a few days to mull it over. There is no right way to find it. I just encourage you to love yourself enough to blow that mind vault wide open and capture the booty inside.